Take a Chance on Love

Here’s some encouragement for those women who wonder whether to give that guy a chance.  You know…the guy who’s kind of cute but who you don’t think is quite your type.  Well, I speak from experience.  I met “that” guy when I was in my late twenties.  At that time I had an image in my head of what the perfect guy for me looked like, dressed like, behaved like and even smelled like.  Fortunately, I discovered that the image was all wrong thanks to “that” guy.  

When he walked into my life – literally in the elevator of my new apartment building – I thought to myself, “Oh, he’s cute but what’s with his clothing?”  Since he lived next door, I got the chance to run into him lots.  My conservative, career-minded persona wondered how serious he was as a professional – pretty high on my ‘must have’ list at the time.  He always seemed to be on the way out with his tennis racquet or bike when I was coming home late in my Prada suit and a briefcase full of work.

The “hello-how’s-it-going-neighbor” ritual continued for a while and after several attempts to meet up, I finally got the nerve to invite him to a company function – risky looking back now!  It was a good night but certainly not the night I fell in love with him.  His good looks and sense of humor kept me interested and his quirkiness slowly grew on me.  As you guessed, I married “that” guy four years after we first met.  It took three months for me to fall in love with him as my brain finally caught up to my heart and discovered that my perfect match was about sharing common family values and respect for each other rather than a similar fashion sense.  

Through our courtship and 30 years of marriage our relationship has continued to blossom into a strong and loving partnership.  We have each brought into the union different perspectives and ways of doing things – his quirkier than mine.  Through the process I’ve learned to loosen up, and he’s learned to be more mainstream when needed.  Some people might think that the differences would tear us apart; however, these difference have made each of us better people.  Sharing important fundamental values keeps us grounded in what is important to each of us individually and both of us together.  

Through this relationship, I have learned the importance of ‘fierce’ dialogue.  Based on Susan Scott’s book Fierce Conversations, what I mean by fierce is coming forward as myself, being fully present and aware of my needs and contributions when discussing the issues.  It also helps to have a husband who has an incessant need to talk through everything.  It is through our lengthy car rides to and from ski trips that we discovered our commonalities and worked through issues.  All the important decisions in our relationship — like getting married, how much to spend on my engagement ring, buying a house, having a child, moving to a different country – were fully discussed and sometimes it seemed at nauseam to me.  Today, I see that those discussions were a critical foundation to building mutual trust and respect which give us the freedom to be authentic with each other.  We both acknowledge that we have a relationship neither of us would want to screw up.

So, ladies, give “that” guy a chance.  He might turn out to be your prince charming after all.